Reasons why
by Lyra Soren
Summary: "Even if I have hundred reasons to leave you, I'd still look for that one reason to fight for you."


_Reasons why_

_"Even if I have hundred reasons to leave you, I'd still look for that one reason to fight for you."_

Ryoma's fingers trace the soft hem of a shirt and his hand finds its way through honey like locks of hair, down to the white rim of glasses, to deprive a certain someone of his sight. His tips rove on well-toned muscles, and draw closer to the warmth with a happy sigh. One more detail needed. A mouth sealed with another, and nothing more.

Tezuka's scent, the most relaxing and sweetest of aromas of the fresh morning and lavender, is as welcome as water in the desert, and always during these weeks of separation he feels an aching burn in his throat and a stale taste in his mouth.; not even his favorite grape soda would alleviate it.

His gentle, yet possessive touch is the only thing able to make him ask for more, anywhere and anytime. A kiss was for him a disgusting thing, involving tongue and saliva exchange, which wasn't inviting, up until he fell in love with Tezuka. Now this kiss is something entirely different. He never knew he could connect with someone in such a complete way. He feels as if he is diving into a pool of cool water, his lungs arrest and his heart is on the verge of ripping out of his chest, yet he still plunges further, wanting more.

Tezuka decides to break the kiss too soon, to Ryoma's discontentment. He is always gone when major tournaments are held, so they hardly spend time together. Ryoma, for once, wants to consume everything that is his lover. They haven't advanced from kissing, much to Ryoma's displeasure.

"Please forgive me Ryoma, but I have to study for my upcoming exams." Tezuka doesn't look guilty in the slightest; he has an unreadable face, besides there is something in his eyes that betrays him, Ryoma knows he wanted to continue as well.

"I only come home once a month and you find this excuse?" Nevertheless he thinks buchou is doing it on purpose, containing himself at the worst possible times. Any time he returns, his boyfriend will seek an excuse to keep him at a distance. He tries to understand the motive behind his actions, but every time he comes up empty handed.

"Fine, you can learn as much as you want, I'm out of here." He shuts the door of their bedroom without a second glance behind.

**!^_^!**

At least Karupin really missed him. It is weird for him to come home and find his beloved one immersed in his studies. Only in these moments he realizes that they have set about on separate roads, that each has his own life to live, his own dream to fulfill; if so, how is it possible that they are still together?

Why is he clinging to Tezuka's existence as if it was air and not just another stranger's entity?

His head rests on the pillow, in the carefully made bed. The light that comes through the window is creating kaleidoscopic spectacles of figures and angles, most of them without any contour. Beyond this ray, the whole room is shrouded in darkness that was the only witness of Tezuka's rejuvenated features, of his slow breathing, of him calling Ryoma's name in his dreams.

Ryoma holds his eyes shut, indifferent to this silent spectacle. He tries to hold the tears in, because he doesn't have the right to cry. At the thought of Tezuka spending all his night in this cold and unfriendly room, makes him reconsider a little the cold treatment of his lover. He bites his lower lip, in deep musing over the reasons why he should just leave Tezuka.

There are plenty of them. Whenever he comes back home he feels like a guest, who is only intruding in the life of someone else. Tezuka is always guarded around him, although he probably knows how much Ryoma wants him. Tezuka is keeping him at a distance. He is hard to read, and never tells what he is thinking. He always has an expressionless face, even when he is kissing. He has given up on his dream of becoming a pro just to finish his studies. He doesn't seem serious about their relationship. He knows close to nothing about Ryoma's wishes and dreams. He always ignores him when he has a book in hand.

Ryoma should have been miles away, whether he took this list into consideration. To some extent these things are true, but they are not enough, not even close to rival the single reason Ryoma has to stay with Tezuka. _He loves him._ And to be honest, he himself has many flaws, but Tezuka hasn't complained, not even once.

He should listen to his reasons and understand him, because he knows Tezuka as well as the back of his hand, but there is always room for improvement. He wants to know everything about his special someone, his flaws and good points, his touch, his husky voice in the morning, his smell after the shower, his kisses, his smiles, his hopes and dreams for the future…what he thinks of their relationship.

**!^_^!**

The door opens with a creak, and steady steps pad across the room, stopping in front of the bed. Not even then does Ryoma open his eyes, he waits to see what will happen, anticipating already the calloused hand caressing his face. He can feel the smell which is arousing, but at the same time assertive.

He doesn't have to hold his breath for long, the gentle stroke through his hair, makes him wake from his feigned sleep. Wide golden eyes stare into brown calm ones, and something at the corners of his buchou's eyes tells him that he really has missed him. Kunimitsu is knelt at the bed's level and his fingers never stop running through his hair.

"Why are you restraining yourself?" Ryoma asks with a small voice, as if scared to break the spell, the mirage.

"Ryoma…" Tezuka whispers and kisses Ryoma on the forehead. "I don't want to do anything that will hurt you."

"Kunimitsu," It is such a rare occurrence for Ryoma to use his given name, but since they are alone… "I'd say you don't want me anymore. Do you not love me?"

"If only that was the case, however, with each day I fall deeper in love with you." Tezuka whispers.

"Then what is the problem?" Ryoma inquires placing his hand on Tezuka's cheek, cupping his face.

Tezuka places his hand on top of his, and sighs quietly. "Do you want to know why I drove you away?"

Ryoma nods, but realizes his captain might not see him in the dark. "Yes."

"I…Each time I am in your presence…I don't know how to hold myself back anymore." Tezuka confesses, and surprisingly he is not laughed at or made to feel embarrassed, Ryoma is now considering his answer with utmost seriousness on his face.

"You don't need to hold back anymore." Ryoma breathes like is the most obvious thing to say.

"Are you sure?" Ryoma can sense the worry and relief in his boyfriend's voice, and leans forward to capture his lips for the second time that night.


End file.
